The Drive By

We interrupt this message to bring you the following announcement… Please be aware of criminal activity in your neighborhood. An often misplaced compliment, a non-thought-out remark, just plain old sarcasm known as “The Drive By”! Now, many of you may not know about the drive-by. Many of you may have never witnessed the fast-approaching compliment and then realized maybe it was not a compliment as it speeds off into the distance. Let me share an example… “You know, those shoes look really comfortable. With your weight, you should always wear comfortable shoes.” “That coat looks so good on you. It does not make your hips look as big as they are.” You see, it seems to start like a compliment, then takes a deadly turn like a kick in the crotch. It seems that down South, we all have a slight tendency to participate in a drive-by at one time or another. We are taught as small kids that if we cannot say something nice, then keep your mouth shut, so we learn fast that if we dress up the wolf in sheep’s clothing, then we may just get our jabs in before we get caught. As we grow older and wiser, we learn the skills of synchronized drive-bys. That is when we get a friend or family member to drive alongside us. Something like, “Gosh, your new haircut really frames your face,” then your sister would immediately follow with, “That new acne medicine you have been using seems to be helping a little.” Yes, the drive-by has been a Southern tradition for centuries. Mothers are so versed that most do it unintentionally. So something to ponder for the next family reunion. Keep an eye and ear out for drive-bys. Honey, you bring the Mac and cheese to the reunion. I know you are too busy to do some real cooking. And that is the way I see it…