Evening In Paris While Coloring My World

There is one word that strikes fear in every young man’s heart. The months around March and April would be about the time when the fear starts to creep in. While listening to your jam, you suddenly get the text that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand straight up. “Would you take me to prom?” Once you wake from the dead faint, you text back “Cool!”

Yep, cool… My 17-year-old daughter has decided to do prom this year. I thought, OK, this might be a good thing. A chance to mix and mingle, both of which she may not be quite the expert I think she ought to be. I thought, how bad can this be? Well, it started with “Hey dad, I am going dress shopping with my friend and her mom this afternoon”. Great. The next text I got was a picture of her in a dress. “Dad, I really like this one!” It was a nice dress, so I texted back, “Great, how much is it?” “Well, you can’t put a price on my happiness”. Oh yes I can and did when she said the price of the dress was $600.00! I told her unless she was going to wear it to several proms and get married in it, the answer was no. Nowadays, you go to the prom around 9 pm and stay for about two hours. What follows would be an approximate total cost for two hours:

Dress: $600.00
Shoes: $50.00
Spray tan: $50.00
Hair and nails: $50.00 to $75.00
Ticket to prom: $100.00
Incidentals…

You might as well say $1,000.00. That would be $500.00 per hour. Even TV evangelists do not make that kind of money! I am hoping to get by with about half of that total. So, I am guessing I can put a price on my daughter’s happiness and it would be $500.00 an hour.

But think back to the time of your prom, back when life was simple and cheap. Think back to the seventies, Bee Gees, clackers, platform shoes for guys. Think of when the prom was on a Saturday night and you started decorating on Friday after lunch until late that night, and then you came back on Saturday to finish up, then rushed home to wash your car or get your hair done. You go and pick up that someone special, have moms take Polaroid pictures, fumble around while trying to pin the corsage, you even opened the door for her! He had used a whole bottle of cologne and still had tissue paper stuck on the cuts on his face where he had tried to shave, but it was okay because you were going to the prom. He or she may not have been the most beautiful or best-looking, but you were going to the prom! As you walked into the transformed lunchroom or gym, you were transported to another land… Paris, Under the Sea, Madrid, whatever the theme. You were there and it did not matter that it was all cheap paper decorations because it was magic and it was prom! Snacks, dancing, more pictures, the plans to go and eat later… Wishing this night would never end. But alas, it did end. The prom was fun. Food was great, and now the walk to the front door. Would she let you kiss her? Should I try to kiss her? I hope he likes me. How’s my breath? What if… wow, that was nice! She likes me! Wow, he kissed me… If we get married, should I take his name?

Prom was a magical time for me, as I’m sure it was for many. However, it seems that prom these days has changed, and not necessarily for the better. I wish my daughter could experience an “Evening in Paris” or a little “Color My World” magic at least once in her lifetime.
And that’s the way I see it…

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The Drive By

We interrupt this message to bring you the following announcement… Please be aware of criminal activity in your neighborhood. An often misplaced compliment, a non-thought-out remark, just plain old sarcasm known as “The Drive By”! Now, many of you may not know about the drive-by. Many of you may have never witnessed the fast-approaching compliment and then realized maybe it was not a compliment as it speeds off into the distance. Let me share an example… “You know, those shoes look really comfortable. With your weight, you should always wear comfortable shoes.” “That coat looks so good on you. It does not make your hips look as big as they are.” You see, it seems to start like a compliment, then takes a deadly turn like a kick in the crotch. It seems that down South, we all have a slight tendency to participate in a drive-by at one time or another. We are taught as small kids that if we cannot say something nice, then keep your mouth shut, so we learn fast that if we dress up the wolf in sheep’s clothing, then we may just get our jabs in before we get caught. As we grow older and wiser, we learn the skills of synchronized drive-bys. That is when we get a friend or family member to drive alongside us. Something like, “Gosh, your new haircut really frames your face,” then your sister would immediately follow with, “That new acne medicine you have been using seems to be helping a little.” Yes, the drive-by has been a Southern tradition for centuries. Mothers are so versed that most do it unintentionally. So something to ponder for the next family reunion. Keep an eye and ear out for drive-bys. Honey, you bring the Mac and cheese to the reunion. I know you are too busy to do some real cooking. And that is the way I see it…

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