The Talk

“So tell me kiddo, how’s your sister doing? I bet she is keeping all the boys on their toes at college, right?”

“No, Pops, she is, well, she’s doing fine.” I lied. Like every time he asked the same question, over and over and over…

Growing old is not for the faint of heart I have always been told. I personally would not know, due to my age of thirty three, but watching my father each week for the last two years has taught me this lesson well. And, I can tell you that watching a person grow old, is not a walk in the park. It has crossed my mind a lot lately as why I was always the one kid that acted more mature than the rest of my siblings. Maybe it was because I was the only one that had understood that dad was changing, forgetting the little things, misplacing keys, the remote, the things we joke about as absent mindedness finally makes sense now that the diagnosis had been confirmed. Yet, here I am, visiting all alone with no support from a brother or a sister, just me, the responsible one, here to check in on my dad, mentally tossing a coin hoping it would come up on “good day.”

I paused before I twisted the doorknob to enter his room at The PineWoods, which was “the” place for people having little issues in the latter part of their lives. Trouble was, this was never a place you planned to go, it was always a place that someone else planned for you. No one wakes one morning and says to themselves, let’s go to The PineWoods for a visit. No, it was usually the more responsible child that has that awakening moment thrust upon them.

The room was a light shade of green. Calming, serene, and looked like a scene right out of a commercial where the announcer says in a welcoming, warm voice. “Come and visit us at The PineWoods, the place where you can get the rest and care you need. Call us today for a free tour for you or your loved ones.”

I scanned the room and there was Pops, sitting in his recliner, facing the window as the sun was filtering in on him…I could see the dust particles floating in the air. He must have not heard me come in because as I touched his hand and said “Pops,” he suddenly sat up straight and a small gasp told me he had been in another world. Another world…I wondered where that world was and how far back in the past it lived. Maybe it was a gift that he could accomplish time travel in is mind.

“So tell me kiddo, how’s your sister doing? I bet she is keeping all the boys on their toes at college, right?”

“No Pops.”

“Have you been eating OK? Made any new friends since I was here last? The doctor said you are doing great and all the nurses say you seem to be fitting in well.” The usual list of questions I asked each week. I was told that asking familiar questions and doing things repetitave had a tendency to not get people like Pops upset and keeping him calm kept his mind as clear as possible.

We talked for a few minutes and I could tell, this was going to be a good visit. We sat side by side and looked out the window into the sun filled garden. The butterflies were hovering around the butterfly bush and the singing of the birds lead me to believe that no one could possibly have a difficult time in finding the beauty and peacefulness here at The PineWoods!

“So tell me kiddo, how’s your sister doing? I bet she is keeping all the boys on their toes at college, right?”

“No Pops.”

I could not tell him that he knew she had passed two years ago. I could not tell him how her accident had torn our lives apart and that her passing could be one of the reason that sped up his “forgetfulness…” No, I felt I had to lie to him, no, to spare him of the memory, of living it all over again. No, he was better off thinking she was still young and at college. Hell, most of the time I wish I was still in college, being carefree and no worries. But here I sat, with my Pops, guarding myself as to not cause any disturbance in the galaxy of what I call my family unit.

The nurse came by with the morning’s medications. Pops looked up at her and smiled as he took his meds, a swig of water then opened his mouth so she could see he had swallowed them. She flirted with him a little. “Mr. Taylor, you know I trust you to take your meds. You are nothing like that ornery Mr. Talbot over on the east side wing.” “He’s ornery because he never gets to see the sunshine like I do!” Pops flirted back. She laughed and turned to leave but before she could get out the door, Pops said “She’d make you a good wife you know.” I looked up at her and our eyes both held smiles. Each week, Pops tries to play matchmaker with me and his nurse, who, by the way, is about thirty years older than me. We both chuckle to ourselves, knowing we should just run off and live happily ever after in wedded bliss, just to make my Pops happy.

“So tell me kiddo, how’s your sister doing? I bet she is keeping all the boys on their toes at college, right?”

“No Pops.”

After about an hour, I start to sort my story of why I have to leave and not take him with me. But this week, as I start to tell my planned tale that breaks my heart, he says to me, “Kiddo, I know you need to be leaving soon and I know I cannot go with you like I wish I could, but I want you to know something.”

I was caught off guard. I looked into his eyes and they were clear as a bell and as blue as ever. “What Pops? You need something?”

“I just want you to know that I have always been so proud of you and how you have looked after all of us and especially me when I got to where I could not do my job as a dad and take care of you all. Its not a fun thing when a parent knows they have now become the child. I guess I just want to say…I love you son… before I forget who you are. I never want you to look back and wonder. I want you to know.”

A tear found its way to my cheek. I stood and hugged this man I call Pops. “I love you too…dad…” hoping he would always remember, knowing he would forget.

I took hold of his hand and gave him a smile. He looked at me and said…

“So tell me kiddo, how’s your sister doing? I bet she is keeping all the boys on their toes at college, right?